My New Banner…

I created my banner using Photoshop. 

My first ever creation. 

Like, seriously, ever.

So far, I absolutely adore Photoshop, but it is going to take some getting used to.

I like to give credit where credit is due.  Therefore, I’d like to thank Rebecca’s Scrapping Silliness for her Karmatic Impact freebie that I was able to download.  Not everything in my banner came from her freebie, but a good majority of it did.  Using a couple elements that were in my misc scrap folder, and some re-coloring in Photoshop, my banner was born!

In the coming days, I am hoping to re-do my button, and my contact info.  Maybe, eventually, I’ll be able to make my very own layout.  Haha, okay maybe not. 🙂

I Bought A Present For ME!!

Ever since I had Konnor, I have never been at the top of the priority list.  Purposely putting myself after others, I don’t often have the newest clothes, the coolest phone, or other spiffy things.

Yesterday, I bought a laptop.  Four hundred dollars of something just for me!  After purchasing my new Toshiba, I am feeling the normal guilt that I feel after buying something for myself.

After battling with myself, “oh that $400 could have gone here or we could have done this,” I took a step back.  No, really, this was a good investment.  With Justin on the computer as much as he is, I need this. 

What do I need a laptop for?

Well I really need it to keep up on JAKA365, which is my photo blog.  If you haven’t seen it, check it out!

But I also need it to keep up with this blog.  If I have the desire to start reviews, the need for my own computer is pretty obvious.

More than anything, though, I wanted my own computer so that I could access the internet when I wanted to.  My phone’s internet isn’t fast nor reliable, and to be honest, typing with a Blackberry isn’t fun.  Haha.

So here she is.  My new computer.  Nothing grand.  Nothing fancy.  Nothing to drop your jaw over.  Honestly, though, I don’t need any of that.  Just something simple to blog and edit photos with. 🙂

Friendships Lost After I Became "Mom"

Being a mother for almost four years teaches you a lot.

You learn the true meaning of life.

There is an overwhelming force that drives you to keep your child(ren) safe.

Unconditional love is no longer something you imagine, but something that you can feel.

You realize that priorities change. Life rearranges. The world no longer revolves around you.

The true meaning of friendship becomes apparent. Those without children can never understand what a parent feels.

Relationships change. Diminish. Disappear. It hurts – at first.

Then you realize. They aren’t true friends if they let your bundle of joy get in between the two of you.

I remember the friends I had. The relationship that I lost. I was 19 when I had Konnor. Barely out of school. At first, I could pawn him off on my mom to watch while I had fun from time to time. Mostly at her house, while Konnor slept in my room.

Looking back, I sucked at being a mom. I thought I was hot shit, when in reality, there was nothing hot about my relationship with my son. Sure, he knew who his mommy was, and he loved everything about me, but I wasn’t the best.

In almost four years, I have come so far. Honestly, I can say that I am proud of who I am. The mother I am. A woman. I have grown up.

Sometimes I find myself reminiscing about the times I could party, spend all my money on myself, and quite frankly, not give a shit. I have driven under the influence, spent most my money on booze, and am a recovering nicotine addict. Sadly enough, some of the people who I used to hang out with still do all these things, and some do more.

Which happened, I couldn’t tell you, because it still stings when I think about the friendships I lost. Was it me pushing them away or was it the other way around? Looking out for the best interest of my baby, I started to stray away from those that were negative influences.

Supposing it was mutual, why? Apparently, our friendship wasn’t strong enough to overcome the most adorable baby ever. Because I was no longer able to party when I wanted, hang out when I wanted, or spend lots of money on things that I didn’t need, they split. Just like that, they dropped me.

Some friends, huh?

Since then, the only new friends I have made have been moms. The people who get me. Who understand where I am coming from, and respect the fact that I am unable to drop my kids off somewhere at the flick of a finger or leave them with an imaginary babysitter to go out to the bar on a Saturday night. They also respect the fact that I don’t use my boyfriend as a live-in babysitter.

Having children has tough me a lot about my life. But my children have also helped me cut out a lot of people in my life that never really mattered.

Stay tuned, Part 2 of this is coming up…….

Valentine’s Day 2010

Valentine’s Day… A day for love, a day for appreciation, and a day for…….. chocolate?

*gag*

Seriously.

I love being spoiled just as much as the next girl, but who is to say that Valentine’s Day has to be the only day to express your true feelings for someone?

This year, I made a vow to myself, and a silent vow to Justin (meaning he doesn’t know) to never take him for granted, and to tell him just how much I love and appreciate him.

Yesterday, I spent my Valentine’s Day with my love and my little loves – Justin, Konnor, and Ariana. We relaxed, we were lazy, and we enjoyed the company of one another.

Oh, of course Justin spoiled me (and himself a little) by going out and buying some goodies from Victoria’s Secret and I spoiled him with his Christmas/Anniversary/Valentine’s Day/Birthday gift by buying him a PS3. Yes, I know, I did it. Bought him the one gift I am going to kick myself in the ass for later. But hey, at least any game he plays on that thing can be put on pause, right?

In addition, we bought the kids each a cute little t-shirt, teddy bear, and some bubbles. Konnor and Ariana both adore bubbles, so we bought Konnor a bubble gun and Ariana a thing of bubbles. Hours of entertainment in the living room, and I can just vacuum that soapy goodness right up. Haha!

Besides going to Outback on Saturday night with Justin and Ariana, that was the extent of Valentine’s Day, 2010. Simple, sweet, and NO chocolate (just how I wanted it).

What did you do for Valentine’s Day? What did you receive? I want all the juicy details from my lovely readers!! 🙂

Business to Blogger – Gaining Exposure to Your Blog

As I am sure you are all aware, I am quite new to this whole blogging deal.  Well, maybe more so the more formal aspects of blogging as opposed to just blogging to keep track of memories I want preserved.

Wanting to make something more of my blog, I have become more technically in tune with what it takes to make a site more popular.  Traffic, right?  Being interesting and funny and leaving an impression with readers that makes them want to come back is probably most important.  But how do you get that?  Well, I have linked my website to my Facebook, Twitter, and even my YouTube accounts.  I have also made some new friends around the blogging community.

When my friend, Kristin, whose advise I trust when it comes to blogging among other things, wrote her blog post about Business2Blogger, I was curious.  Doing what any normal, curious, human being would do, I headed over to the site to investigate. 

The benefits for a small blogger, like me, is great.  They can provide you with opportunities for reviews at absolutely no cost!!! Yes, you heard me, for FREE!!!  Not to mention this website works with not only the blogging community but also businesses.  It’s like a website that plays match-maker.

Sound like something you’d like to participate in? Then head on over and sign up here.  It’s quick and easy and free to sign up.

And hey, did I mention that this is FREE?!

So click here for more information or to sign up.

Monday Mingle – 2/1/2010

Welcome back to The JAKA File’s Monday Mingle!  I took a little break, but

I. Am. Back!!!

As always, you can visit 80 MPH Mom for more super awesome Monday Mingle’s and to post your own as well. (you know you wanna!!)

 

Also, here is my photo blog for Project 365, as promised.  A little slice of my life, every single day, for an entire YEAR!!

Prepping For Relatives and Mobile Babies….

Ariana will meet her grandma for the first time in about four days.

Visiting from West Virginia, Justin’s mom flies in on Thursday, February 4th, 2010.  She will stay with us until her flight leaves on Sunday.

The day she flies in Ariana will be 8 months old.  Where has the time gone?!?!  We are three quarters of the way to her first birthday.  Wowzers.

So this week I have to clean.  I don’t just mean pick up the living room and kitchen and dining room.  We are talking a full, top to bottom, deep clean of my house.  The thought makes me sick to my stomach.  Having a little 2 bedroom apartment doesn’t always mean just a little bit to clean.

Also on the agenda, while we are at it, is baby-proofing.  Don’t get me wrong, I have been baby-proofing the house, but this will be an all out baby-proofing. 

That leads me to a question (or four)…. How do you prep for visits from the in-laws?  What should I expect?  Oh my gosh, I have never done this before! YIKES!

Also, so I don’t miss anything, give me a rundown of how you baby-proofed the house when your little ones decided to become mobile.  As much as I wish she wouldn’t do this just yet, here we are.  Ariana is crawling and apparently climbing too!! HELP!!!!!!

Bad Mommy Day!

Do you ever have those moments when you feel you just aren’t cut out for parent hood?

I mean, I have two kids now.  I have been down the infant road.  This is the second journey, and all of a sudden, doubting myself is kicking in.

All these crazy outlandish things that my daughter has done to hurt herself only happens when I am alone.  With both kids.  After Ariana choked and we had to call 911, I was freaking out thinking that the children’s hospital would call Child Protective Services on me for having objects small enough for her to swallow within her reach.  Thankfully, they didn’t.

Today, everyone is having a nice little nap.  Sleeping peacefully.  Konnor in his bed, Ariana in her crib with me sleeping in my bed next to her.  Two hours worth of golden silence and pleasant dreams only to be ripped apart by a gigantic crash and an infant screaming at the top of her lungs.

I jumped out of bed and picked her up so fast I swear I didn’t know what I was doing until we were both back in my bed.  Examining her for bumps, protruding bones, and blood, I came to the conclusion that there was no need to call 911 just yet.

How she fell out of her crib is almost a mystery, but maybe more so to my “i-can’t-believe-she’s-growing-so-fast” side as opposed to an outsider’s view.  She gets on her hands and knees, she sits up, she crawls, and I suppose this was her showing me that she can, indeed, pull her self up on objects.  From what I can figure, she just pulled herself right up and over she went, which is surely a red flag. 

Time for mommy to lower the crib mattress to the next level.

Back to my original thought, however; this all makes me wonder if I am cut out for this baby thing.  I am seriously questioning my parental skills and instincts in which are used and needed to raise a child.  And, for that matter, there should be absolutely no need to question such skills, since they started maturing at the age of………… Oh when was my sister born?  Tenish. 

Does anyone else have these days where they feel nothing has been or can go right?  I am at a loss with myself, and while I’m sure I’m just having a bad day, this is sort of bothering me. 

Had I been awake, this couldn’t have happened.  If I had lowered the crib when she started crawling, she wouldn’t have fallen out.  What if she broke her neck?? What would I have told Justin and my family?!?!

Time to go lower the crib.  Like, yes, RIGHT NOW!!!

Today Is Friday…..

Friday excites me.  Friday means two days of not having to work. 

I like my job, don’t get me wrong.  It frustrates the crap out of me sometimes, but overall the place I work is not bad at all.  It pays well, that’s for sure.  And while I do wish that I was a stay at home mom, or rather a work at home mom, this job isn’t so bad.

This weekend shall be fun.  Cleaning, sitting at home, watching the Jets fight for a chance to play in the Super Bowl sounds like fun, right?  Okay so my weekend doesn’t have huge plans, but it does beat the alternative – work. 

Konnor will not be home this weekend.  That is good and bad.  I like to be able to have some toddler-free time, since he can be so rambunctious when confined in close quarters for an extended period of time, but I do tend to miss his royal cuteness.

I plan to finish mine and Justin’s taxes this weekend.  That’s fun, right??  With having Ariana this year, our returns will be hefty.  Which means I can pay people back and get my new camera!  Now THAT is exciting.  I think I have finalized my camera decision, which has changed a million times, so it will probably change again. 

Oh and I think my friend is having her birthday party this weekend.  Perhaps I should verify that so I don’t miss it.  Haha.

Okay okay enough rambling from me for one post.  Notice I said post, not day. 😛

Meet My Other Half…

Everyone, meet Justin.

Justin is my boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend. (no he doesn’t wear these glasses all the time.  they are mine) We are not married.  Marriage is but a piece of paper.  What he is the father of my daughter. The love of my life. 

I don’t give him enough credit. When I talk about him on my Facebook or on my Twitter, it’s generally when I’m angry. Or hurt. Or sad. Really, no one gets to hear about how wonderful Justin is.

He is my other half. The person I was meant to be with. Through thick and thin, we were meant to be. He is the one.

Though I have had reservations in the past, questions in my mind, those no longer exist. We have had good times, bad times, and times where we were on level ground. Despite all the times we have had, he has been there. When I was unable to work while pregnant with Ariana, he stayed. When he was laid off and looking for a job, I stayed. Through my depression this last holiday season, he was there. Holding my hand. And while he never said it, he was cheering me on, telling me it would all be okay.

Most don’t know our story. When we first met, it was online. *gasp* I know. Say what you will, but this seems more and more common as time goes on. Love has no boundaries and sure doesn’t grasp the concept of distance. So, while I was here in Oregon living my life, he was in West Virginia living his.

At first when we talked, it was casual. That time in my life was full of chaos and mayhem, and an ear was all he could offer me. I took it. I told him about life and the choices I was making and while he was mostly amused, you could also tell there was a bit of concern.

We stopped talking for years. Probably 5 or 6 to say the least. We both lived our different lives, on different sides of the United States. It wasn’t until I logged into Yahoo! on my cell phone that we reconnected. He IM’ed me and after a few hours of IMing him while at work, we exchanged numbers.

From there IMing turned to text and text turned to a phone call. The phone call. All night long (and I mean 9pm to 6am) we talked on the phone about everything. You name it, we talked about it. Even before I knew what was happening, we were falling.

Most people are cautious about love. Often holding back, they miss out on some of life’s greatest opportunities. Just getting out of my relationship with my son’s father, I was a little hesitant. But Justin and I were so right for each other.

Regardless of the distance, we made things work. From playing silly Yahoo! games on the internet, to simultaneously watching The Notebook while on the phone, we were a unique pair. I would leave cute messages on his MySpace, and he would send sweet text messages.

To make this long, adorable story short, not three months after we had started talking, and after a mini vacation to the east coast to visit him, he decided to move out to Oregon so we could be together. I took a flight to Illinois where he met me, and we drove the country together, through torrential downpours in one state, to high winds and country roads in another.

February 7th, 2010 marks two years since we made ourselves official. February 1st marks two years since we reunited and started talking again. Today we have a beautiful daughter to share our journey in life, and are closer than ever. Konnor and Justin adore each other, almost as much as Ariana and Justin do.

He picks up the kids everyday after work. Gets up with Ariana some nights when she doesn’t sleep through. He is a good sport about my crazy ideas and even though he is a picky eater, he will try new things that I cook.  Shopping isn’t one of his favorite things to do, but he will do it.  We are a team.

I love his smile.  His sense of humor.  The way he dresses.  His eyes.  When he is happy, mad, sad, upset, or being a pain in my ass, I still love him. 

Despite all of my mood swings and questions with our relationship, he is here. Always. Hopefully forever.

I love him. With every part of me that is capable of love.  Our journey in life thus far has tested us in so many way, and we have made it out on top.